It’s not me, it’s you. ALL YOU.

Dear Squirrel that Hangs out on my Patio:

We’ve lived a fairly happy little coexistence, right? I mean, you do your thing; I do mine; we generally like each other. I’ve laughed at your silly little antics and mostly tolerated you hanging upside down to attack my bird feeder when the seed is ACTUALLY for Mr. Cardinal and his lovely bride.

But then you just had to mess with the potted plants on my patio. You dug up my freshly sprouted thyme—and killed it. The oregano is done for. You destroyed all but ONE of the numerous bouquet size sunflowers I planted between the patio and the fence, and sunflowers are my FAVORITE flower. You even tried to dig in the cherry tomato plant. Wasn’t enough that you killed all my herbs?! If you knew how much I enjoy growing herbs and cooking with them, you would not have done this. Or maybe you would, because apparently I was WAY off about your character.

It’s not like I had invaded your space. All of the things you dug up were planted in fresh potting soil where you had not had a chance to hide acorns and other goodies for safekeeping. So, it appears that you just dug in there because you like to torment me and rob me of fresh herbs and my favorite flowers.

All I can say now is that niceties are over. THIS IS WAR!!!!!! And you are no longer welcome on my patio. I will continue to be that woman who hangs out the upstairs window and yells at you to get away from my bird feeder.

And in case you’ve never met me, let me give you one piece of advice: I will win.

Because the problem with our relationship/coexistence isn’t me. It’s ALL YOU.

Get off my patio,


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