Facebook friends, we need to talk

I love Facebook.

I really do. I like somehow staying in touch with people I went to high school with. I like reminders that it’s someone’s birthday and pictures of my friends’ families, babies, weddings, and pets.

But there are a few things that have been happening on Facebook lately that truly get under my skin. So I present to you my Top 5 Facebook Don’ts:

1. DO NOT TYPE YOUR STATUS IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. CAN YOU SEE THAT IT’S KIND OF REALLY ANNOYING? IT’S JUST THAT THERE’S REALLY NO NEED FOR IT. IT DOESN’T MAKE ME WANT TO READ YOUR STATUS UPDATE MORE. IT JUST ANNOYS ME AND MAKES ME THINK YOU LIKE LOTS OF ATTENTION SO YOU SCREAM YOUR STATUS AT ME. (And truth be told, I’ve hidden some people’s feeds simply because I got tired of the SCREAMING!)

2. Don’t use your personal Facebook page to hawk your wares. I get that many people have lots of side projects and home businesses. But I accepted your friend request because I know you and want to know what’s going on in your life, not what kind of whatever you have in stock or if you’re selling the latest diet drink that’s sure to make me instantly skinny and beautiful. It’s fine if you’re the enterprising type and want to use social media to further your business. But you can start a page for your business. And if I’m interested, I can “like” it. And then, I’ll read your updates because I actually WANT to see them, not because you’re posting them on your personal page.

3. Don’t be an over-poster. You know who you are. You post all the time. You tell your FB kingdom when you go to the bathroom, what you ate at every meal, and any other thought that pops into your head. It’s like the boy who cried wolf, kind of. You post so much that we generally miss the really important things in your life because they’re hidden among the drivel.

4. Don’t be an over-sharer. You may not know who you are. Well, you will in a few minutes. You’re the person who share intensely personal things in your Facebook statuses. (Which, by the way, might be fine if you’ve keep your FB friends list to a small, intimate group of very close friends. But I’d still err on the side of conservatism and share such things via messages.) Over-sharers are often over-posters who have to share all the gory and non-gory details of their lives.

5. Don’t use your status to write incoherent rants aimed at someone else who has done you wrong without explaining the situation. I mean, seriously. I know you’re mad. But it’s not reason to start dogging someone online and ending with the YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE phrase. And there’s really no need, ever, to start using the F-word in your status updates. Even if you are mad.

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