You know those moments where for a split second you see things really clearly? Suddenly, you see things for what they actually are and not what you perceive them to be and realize the changes that need to be made?
Yeah, I’ve been having a lot of those lately.
Moment of clarity #1: Remember my post from Monday? The one about not judging others and being aware of the prejudices we have? Yeah, well maybe I should pay more attention to my own words. Because I stand behind everything I wrote about not judging and being aware of prejudices, but I was wrong about a few things. That post came into being because of an interaction I had with someone else that hurt my feelings and angered me. But instead of talking to him/her about it personally, I hopped on my blog and wrote all about it here. That certainly wasn’t the most godly moment I’ve ever had and I should have talked to the person privately if what he/she said bothered me so much, rather than mouthing off about him/her on my blog, even if I didn’t name names. The person in question and I have now talked privately and we have both apologized to each other, but since I cast him/her in a negative light on my blog, I felt the need to apologize here, too. I also need to admit that I was likely entirely wrong about how he/she perceived me and what he/she meant by the off-handed comment. So apparently, I need to learn my own lesson about prejudice. AGAIN.
Moment of clarity #2: I weighed today. I’m not someone who weighs every day or even that often and I do believe my scale does weigh heavy (I’m lighter on the doctor’s scale!), but the number on the display was a shock. I knew getting on the scale that I wasn’t going to like what it said. I mean, come on. I’m a girl. I know I’ve gained weight. I can feel it when I run and the fact that most of my pants are fitting a little more snugly than I’d like attests to it. I was aware I’d gained weight, but I had convinced myself it was only a few pounds and I didn’t really need to do anything about it. Um, no. It’s more than a few. And the reason I’ve gained weight has to do with these things: rewarding myself with food; dealing with set-backs and disappointments with sweets; not exercising. I don’t want to be rail thin or even weigh what those annoying charts say someone my height should. I just want to feel healthy, and I’m well aware of around what weight that is for me. The sad part is that I’ve been staying in bed or going home to rest rather than going to the gym or exercising, thinking that the extra rest will somehow make me feel better—when in fact, I feel much better, healthier, and am generally more mentally and spiritually healthy when I’m exercising. So, I’m taking steps today to make a change for the better, one not fueled by losing weight or getting to a certain size, but rather to be healthy and to take the best care I can of the body God has given me.
Moment of clarity #3: I haven’t been a good steward of my finances. God has blessed me with a good job and a good salary and I need to take better care of it. The last month or so has been expensive, with unplanned car repairs and unexpected vet bills, among other things. Now, I’m taking the initiative to try to fix a problem with my house (something I’ve honestly avoided because I’m scared of how much it’s going to cost and how in the world I’m going to pay for it). I’m making a point today to consider how I’m spending my money and if it’s the best way to spend it. I want to pay off some debt I’ve accrued, get the brick fixed on my house, and begin being the steward of my money that God wants me to be, because I’m very far from that. Many of you know that I had ordered an iPhone, but today I canceled that order. It’s not the best time for me to be spending that much money on something that is not a necessity. I still want one and plan to get one, but now I need to focus on some other things that are actually needed. I know I have a problem of confusing needs and wants (or disguising wants as needs) and it’s time I learn to be content with whatever I have and handle my finances in a way that brings glory to God.