I bite my thumb at thee!

(If you don’t recognize the quote in the title of this post, I’m guessing you’ve forgotten that very important scene at the beginning of Romeo and Juliet. OK, so maybe it’s not pivotal, but after reading that play in ninth grade, my brother and I would often shout “I bite my thumb at thee!” I’m still not completely sure what it meant, but I know it wasn’t good.)

This post was supposed to be about my extreme love for the Olympics (which is a post that might appear sometimes soon), but then, snow and ice happened. Which meant that Nashville non-snow drivers happened. Which meant that my temper got the better of me this morning. Here are a few diatribes I’ve got to get off my chest:

• I do not for the life of me understand why work couldn’t have simply opened a few hours later. For once, the roads generally were a mess and getting out of my neighborhood was difficult. I understand that this company generally isn’t going to close and that’s fine. I’m a grown-up now and I understand that part of being a grown-up is going to work no matter what the weather. But I was tired this morning, not having gone to sleep until after midnight, and this morning came early. And while the roads may be OK now, they weren’t when I left my house. I don’t see what the big deal would have been to push back opening until 9 a.m. or so to give people time to get here safely. I mean, I-40 is completely shut down because of black ice between a few exits, which means most of the company won’t be able to get here anyway. No one asked for my opinion, though. But I still think opening a couple hours late would have been better. I’m just saying.

• Dear guy in the green van trying to turn off of Tusculum onto Nolensville Road: you have no business being on the road because you don’t know how to drive. More than that, your inability to drive on snow and ice is endangering other people because you’re making stupid choices, stopping traffic (and making people driving on snow and ice slam on their brakes is never a good idea), and making a general nuisance of yourself. I understand that your van just wasn’t making it today, but I don’t understand backing up on a mess of snow and ice and forcing the cars behind you to do so also. First off, when the road is in that kind of shape, back up as little as possible. Second of all, I know you’re driving on snow and ice, but you still have to accelerate to make sure your car gets up inclines and makes turns, even on ice. I know you were trying to drive safely on the snow and ice, but you still have to give your car a little gas on snow and ice. Sometimes, driving too slowly is just as bad as driving too quickly on ice. My final thought is that you totally didn’t know what you were doing when trying to pilot a vehicle on snow and ice. So, I am making the decision for you: GO HOME! You have no business being on the roads. Tell your boss I said so. (I know I don’t know everything about driving on snow and ice, but I do know a little. Enough to call you stupid this morning. Which I realize isn’t nice, but really!)

• Dear fellow employee following me into the parking garage at work: Seriously, back off a bit. I can’t go in the garage until the door is completely raised. You still have to scan your badge to get in. So back off my car because you’re not getting in any faster. Just DEAL!

Now that all of that is out of my system today, I should be a nicer person. Should be. Or at least I’m going to try to be.

Be sure to watch for a “Cook’s Corner” post tomorrow morning. Mushroom and Rosemary Risotto!

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