Year in review

If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself
—2 Timothy 2:13

A couple of weeks ago during choir rehearsal, our director asked to consider what God had taught us in the past year. Since that day, I’ve mulled that question over and over. And my answer, quite honestly, is those words from 2 Timothy, that He is faithful when we are faithless.

Because when I look at 2009, there are many good things. My nephew’s first year. New friends. Blessings. But for me, 2009 is also a time when I was at one of my lowest points spiritually. For many months in 2009, I felt lost in my faith, hopeless, abandoned. I read the psalms and wept along with the psalmist, understanding those heart-wrenching cries to God of “how long” and “where have you gone?”

But it is in that darkness that God taught me that He is faithful. That all His promises are true. That there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. That there is a God who once He has you in His hand will never let you go. Because when I came to the end of myself and realized I couldn’t fix what was wrong, He picked me up. We still need a Savior, every day of our lives, and in 2009 I realized how much I need Jesus.

The problems and stresses of 2009 didn’t go away with the old year. I came into 2010 full of worries, stressed, and sad in the deepest part of my heart. On the first Monday back in the office, I came home from work, lay down in my bedroom floor, and cried. Deep, wracking sobs. The work stress was too much. I was worried and upset about my grandma and decisions that were being made about her care. I was absolutely devastated by a turn of events in my personal life. And it all just hurt so much. As I cried, I told God I wasn’t strong enough to do this. And that still small voice whispered to my soul that I didn’t have to be. He is.

It appears that 2009 was the training ground for 2010. Life isn’t perfect. It’s full of disappointments and fears, worries and things we can’t fix.

The good news is that we have good news. Live in it today.

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